Donald at the Bat
Hogeye Bill's remix of "Casey at the Bat"
by Ernest Thayer (1888).
The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Empire that day -
With a massive thirty eight trillion dollar debt to pay.
And then when China dumped t-notes, and India did the same,
A pall-like silence fell upon the players of the game.
A straggling few gave up the buck and bought some gold. The rest
Clung to the hope which springs eternal in the human breast;
They thought, "If only Donald Trump could but get a whack at that -
We'd put up with our debased bucks, with Donald at the bat."
But Trump believed Navarro, and his dumb pro-tariff crap,
Protectionism hoodoo, patriotic pap;
So upon the American multitude grim melancholy sat,
For there seemed but little chance of Donald getting to the bat.
But Biden’s brain had turned to mush, to the wonderment of none,
And Kamala preached tranny rights and taxing everyone;
So when the dust had lifted, and men saw what had occurred,
Donald Trump was crowned the king - orange-haired and absurd.
Then from five million MAGA throats there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled through the valley, it rattled in the dell;
It pounded on the mountain and recoiled upon the flat,
For Donald, mighty Donald, was advancing to the bat.
There was ease in Donald's manner as he stepped into his place;
There was pride in Donald's bearing and a smile lit Donald's face.
And when, responding to the cheers, he lightly doffed his hat,
No stranger in the crowd could doubt 'twas Donald at the bat.
Ten thousand eyes were on him as he rubbed his hands with dirt;
Five thousand tongues applauded when he wiped them on his shirt;
Then while the weak economy survived the Wuhan flu,
Trump decreed his massive tariffs, screwing me and you.
As we see our grocery prices soar and cost of living flare,
The Donald stood a-watching it in haughty grandeur there.
The orange-haired head executive just watched the prices rise.
"Look over there!" said Donald. "Let’s arrest some brown-skinned guys!"
With a smile of Christian bigotry, fascist to his bones;
Donald had jackbooted thugs invading urban homes.
He signaled to the media, and once more the bullshit flew;
But Donald still ignored it as the people cried, “Fuck you!"
"Fraud!" cried the maddened MAGAts, and echo answered "Fraud!"
But one scornful look from Donald and the audience was awed.
They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain.
They knew that Donald wouldn't fail, he couldn’t fail again!
The sneer is gone from Donald's lip, his teeth are clenched in hate,
He says that he’ll stop foreign wars that “we’ve” been in of late;
And now he pitches Palestine, and now peace for Ukraine,
And now the air is shattered by the force of Donald's brain.
Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright,
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light;
Somewhere MMT greenbackers ply their fiat scam,
But there is no joy for flaghumpers - the buck ain’t worth a damn.
